Possession [EN]

Harry 07.11.13

I went to the park nearby; Josh's favourite contemplation place. After looking around I lowered myself anxiously. I didn't think I really deserved to take this seat, somehow it seemed almost sacred. Unfortunately it didn't bring me peace of mind I craved and foolishly was looking for. Saying I didn't sleep well since the funeral was a huge understatement. I'd gone to sleep at my flat only to wake up at most random places like post office or thirty miles west in my hometown. I lost memory of half of last month. It was inevitable to confess I used to have this kind of episodes after some parties but never of that kind of intensity. I wake up in clothes I've never bought sticking to my skin with cranberry juice, whose sour taste I strongly dislike. Somehow my hair got shorter, fridge got filled with yogurts and goat cheese. Last week I'd ordered Chinese and blacked out. I found an empty container in my bin three days later. On the way here owner of the small shop nestled in my neighbourhood met me on the sidewalk to thank me for helping with carrying some supplies and gave me a box of strawberries I supposedly mentioned to be head over heels for. I was damn straight sure I had never seen this man before. I phoned Jenna when I found her name on the most frequent callers list few days before. She told me to drop acid. After that I went to her and Josh place and probably never managed to actually get there. The last thing I remember was wooden door echoing at impact with my knuckles. I woke up with my hand bandaged which clearly made me caught unawares to the point I decided to come to legendary thinking spot. I checked it out on Google Maps and asked around only to get lost anyway. After the moment of mental domestication something struck my attention. Underneath the bench on the smoldering ground laid the glove I found myself missing the week before.

Jenna 12.11.13 

All I could think about was that Josh wouldn't be thrilled with my doing. These few years I knew him he had been loving and warm towards everyone, but now on the mention of Harry's place in all of it he always grew aggressive. He seemed to be blinded by other circumstances enough to become self absorbed and thoughtless. I didn't like the new person in front of me and the change that was bothering me was not the hair colour, height and every other aspect of appearance. He showed me scars on Harry's wrists and places where the needles found their way in.
“He's reckless. You think he even cares? I suppose he wouldn't notice, sometimes he used to be out for days anyways.”
“He's your friend.”
“He was, years ago. I'm sorry I haven't gotten things to end with him while alive”
Some of this was true. To see the unfairness of situation, was possibly more trivial to me than to anyone else. Harry was Harry and he was still here, living and relatively healthy. Josh was a cover boy of Man's Health and his body betrayed him. He felt deserted and he had every right to. But this wasn't even the worst part.
“Can't you see? I came back for you. I'm doing this for you.”
It didn’t feel like this when I received frantic text messages from Harry or when he came to my door as himself and walked in as Josh. I watched all the moves I used to regard year in, year out with hands and features replaced by a person I had despised. I felt a change of heart, like the tables have turned.
“I didn't ask for it, Josh. Not once have I asked for you to do this to him. “