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I've never ever made up my mind to kill myself before; I've scarcely even considered it. Because I think it's a madly tiresome thing to do, and the only possible excuse for making such a nuisance of yourself is to wait until you're quite, quite certain you want to. Then you're pretty sure to do it properly. Until yesterday evening, there was always something left to stop me from being certain - some tiny little thing, like feeling curious about a movie we were going to see, or about what I'd eat for dinner, or just what w

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